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Luckily for the rest of you, I don’t have any children yet. I’m not sure what kind of parent I will be once my hellspawn is walking the Earth. Will I be the cool parent that smokes a doobie with his kids and their friends (abso-fucking-lutely not), or the dad who shows up each day to pick up his kids while wearing freakishly unusual costumes (yeah, that’s the one)? One thing I do know, however, is never to check between the mattress and box springs or the bottom of the underwear drawer. Whatever lewd, crude, ridiculous shit my kids decide to hide in their pigsty is their business. God forbid they ever decide to peak in daddy’s daddy closet… Anyway, these parents were the snooping kind and really, these are tame compared to what my sister used to get away with hiding. Ever find any freaky shit in your kid’s room? Share in the comments below and be entered for the “parent of the week” award.
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--WillowWispWhipped
“Internet history with a video ‘Shrek is love, Shrek is life’ or something like that.
I was scarred for life.”
I was scarred for life.”
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(Cont) “… I kept finding tiny screws every time I swept. One day, I found the razors under his pillow.”
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“Not going through her room, but I listened in on a stern lecture my 4 year old was giving her dolls. She had them all lined up like she was a drill sergeant.”
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--Brett707
“Thought my wife threw out my fleshlight. Turns out my son took it. had been pumping that fucker full of teenage angst for weeks and not washing it. The whole back of the upstairs smelled like rotting cum.”
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(Cont) “…We were battling a fruit fly infestation and couldnt figure out what they were after. It was so disgusting when I opened that thing and hundreds of fruitflies flew out”
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--antidoterhich
“This weekend I found a pile of old food he has collected throughout the week at dinner in the back corner of his closet … because he thinks it’s going to help him trap a mouse.”
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“I found my son’s journal from when he was about 9. In it, he chronicles how he heard me and my then- boyfriend have sex on multiple occasions. I probably died of embarrassment reading it.”
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“my daughter was trash talking me online. Everything she said was a lie. Pissed me off for a minute, but though know what she’s a good kid and need to vent. If she has to make up shit vent about then I’m doing a pretty damn good job.”
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“When my son was 13, I found the nice button up shirt he swore he lost balled up in the back of his closet. It was covered completely in a white substance and was very stiff. I realized what it was and never said anything.”
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Anybody know a good vasectomy doctor who can keep a secret?!
