Thursday, 28 May 2020

Democrats Fear A Good Economy Will Hurt Their Chances Of Winning The Election And Destroying The Economy [Satire]

The following is satirical.
Democrats are worried that a rebounding economy could hurt their chances of fobbing off the braindead relic of a once dishonest human being on a population blinded by economic hardship in November’s election.
Speaking out of the more appealing side of his face, DNC Chairman Harvey Dent said, “They say you can’t fool all the people all the time and unfortunately that was our entire election strategy.”
“If people in Michigan are scrabbling in the dirt for roots to eat because Governor Gretchen Whitmer won’t let them out of their houses to make a living, that’s a state where we can run a wooden dummy speaking in Nancy Pelosi’s voice with Karl Marx’s hand up his tuchus and they’ll never know the difference,” Dent continued. “But if heaven forbid people can feed their children again, that’s bad for the Democrat party and what’s bad for the Democrat party is bad for America if by bad for America you mean good for America.”
Presumptive former Presidential Candidate Joe Biden says he knows he can convince people he’s a friend of the working man as long as the working man isn’t working.
Speaking to a potted plant he mistook for his own reflection, Biden said, “My hope is that come November people will be so hungry that a walking potato will look pretty good to them. I was even planning to put some butter and sour cream on my head and maybe a sprig of parsley so they could imagine by voting for me they’d get something to eat.”
“But if the economy should rebound and people are doing okay, then the only question is going to be: Who am I and what was I talking about? No, really. Who am I and what was I talking about?” he said.
President Trump, meanwhile, plans to continue his strategy of doing an excellent job while saying stupid stuff, because beating Biden would just be too easy if he weren’t shooting himself in the foot at the same time.

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